On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good
Book Description
What if the very traits women are taught to embody as virtues are secretly a trap? In "On Our Best Behavior," Elise Loehnen dismantles the facade of femininity tied to the seven deadly sins, revealing how these archetypes influence women’s lives, choices, and self-worth. With piercing insights and candid anecdotes, Loehnen exposes the heavy toll of societal expectations and the inherent conflict between being 'good' and pursuing true fulfillment. As women grapple with guilt, desire, and the relentless pursuit of perfection, one question looms: what price are they willing to pay to reclaim their power and authenticity?
Quick Book Summary
“On Our Best Behavior” by Elise Loehnen is a groundbreaking exploration of how the framework of the seven deadly sins continues to shape women’s behavior, self-perception, and interactions. Loehnen reveals that what society teaches as feminine virtues—goodness, sacrifice, and self-control—are often traps that keep women confined, exhausted, and disconnected from their own desires. Through personal anecdotes, historical context, religious undertones, and psychological insights, Loehnen uncovers the mechanisms by which cultural expectations force women to shrink themselves to fit an outdated mold of morality. The book invites women to examine where guilt, shame, and the relentless pursuit of ‘goodness’ keep them from true fulfillment and authenticity. Ultimately, Loehnen encourages readers to break free of these internalized constraints and to reclaim their own power and wholeness.
Summary of Key Ideas
Table of Contents
How Cultural Narratives Shape Female Behavior
Elise Loehnen begins by exploring how centuries-old moral codes, particularly those rooted in Christian doctrine, continue to influence women’s sense of identity and worth. These doctrines, emerging from patriarchal cultures, define what is considered 'good' or 'proper' female behavior, often framing self-denial, modesty, and obedience as virtues. Loehnen illustrates how girls absorb these expectations from a young age—through family, religion, and media—shaping their internal narratives and guiding their choices, often at the expense of personal fulfillment.
The Seven Deadly Sins as Tools of Control
Central to Loehnen’s argument is the notion that the seven deadly sins—pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth—have been weaponized as tools of control over women. Each sin is examined through a gendered lens to reveal how women are subtly (and not so subtly) warned against expressing certain traits. For instance, women are discouraged from taking pride in their achievements or desiring more, lest they be labeled prideful or greedy. The book exposes how these warnings are internalized as guilt and shame, stifling ambition and authentic self-expression.
The Personal Cost of Pursuing 'Goodness'
Loehnen delves into the personal cost of always striving to be 'good.' She combines research and storytelling to reveal how women live under constant scrutiny, self-policing their desires and behaviors to avoid being seen as unruly or inappropriate. This relentless monitoring can manifest as anxiety, exhaustion, and even illness. Loehnen also discusses how the pursuit of perfection often leads women to suppress their own needs, prioritize others, and remain stuck in cycles of self-sacrifice—causing harm both to themselves and to their wider communities.
Moving from Shame to Self-Acceptance
The latter part of the book addresses the process of recognizing, naming, and dismantling internalized shame. Loehnen encourages women to examine the stories they have inherited about virtue and to question whether these standards serve their true selves. By confronting the guilt attached to the so-called sins, women can begin to dismantle the punitive narratives that keep them from experiencing desire, pleasure, and ambition without apology. Through vulnerability and honest self-reflection, new possibilities for self-acceptance emerge.
Reclaiming Power and Authenticity
Finally, Loehnen offers a vision for what it means to reclaim power and authenticity. She provides practical perspectives on embracing one’s whole self, including desires and so-called flaws, as sources of wisdom and agency. The book emphasizes the necessity of rewriting collective scripts and supporting one another in the liberation from restrictive notions of goodness. Loehnen asserts that by moving beyond the old paradigms, women can forge paths toward lasting fulfillment, freedom, and joy.
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