Not If I See You First
Book Description
Love is complicated, but for Marie, navigating the world without sight adds an entirely new layer of challenge. When her strict rules about relationships are shattered by an unexpected twist, she must confront her feelings and the people from her past. As friendships crumble and new alliances form, Marie grapples with trust, vulnerability, and the desire to remain fiercely independent. With emotional stakes that pulse with every word and a relentless pace that keeps hearts racing, can Marie find her way to connection before it’s too late? Or will she hide behind her barriers forever?
Quick Book Summary
"Not If I See You First" by Eric Lindstrom follows Parker Grant, a fiercely independent teen who lost her sight in a childhood accident. Determined to avoid pity, Parker has created strict rules for how others should interact with her, especially when it comes to trust and romance. After her father's sudden death, Parker's life is upended—not just at home, but when her former best friend and ex-boyfriend, Scott, reenters her life. Navigating the complexities of fresh grief, shifting friendships, and old wounds, Parker must learn how to balance her desire for independence with the need for connection. Ultimately, Parker's journey is one of vulnerability, forgiveness, and discovering her true strength beyond the rules she lives by.
Summary of Key Ideas
Table of Contents
Navigating Life with Blindness and Independence
Parker Grant's life is defined by the rules she sets to protect herself—rules that help her navigate the world without sight after losing her vision in an accident as a child. Her independence is a point of pride and she resists any implication that she might need more help than anyone else. Balancing her high school life, cross-country running, and the challenges of blindness, Parker strives to live on her own terms, adamant about not accepting pity from anyone. Her quick wit, sharp tongue, and clear boundaries create both respect and distance among her peers.
The Complexity of Trust and Broken Relationships
The sudden death of Parker's father serves as a catalyst for change, forcing her to adapt to an uncertain living situation with an aunt and cousins she barely knows. This upheaval also brings back Scott, a former friend and love interest who betrayed her trust years ago. Parker’s determination to enforce her rules around trust and second chances is tested, forcing her to confront unresolved pain and shifting dynamics with not only Scott, but also her closest friends and new allies.
Redefining Friendship and Support Networks
As Parker integrates into her new family and school realities, she is challenged to reconsider her rigid approach. Old friendships crumble under the pressure of her emotional armor, while burgeoning connections and unexpected gestures of empathy begin to show her the value of letting others in. The narrative explores how letting go of strict self-protection is essential for growth, and that asking for help can be a strength rather than a weakness.
Grief, Healing, and Personal Growth
Parker’s journey is also shaped by ongoing grief—from her mother’s long-ago death to the fresh loss of her father. These experiences push Parker to reflect deeply on her own vulnerability, forcing her to confront feelings she has buried. Through therapy and her support network, she learns that healing is not linear and that true strength lies in being honest with herself and those around her. The process is messy but ultimately transformative, allowing her to move toward acceptance.
Letting Down Barriers to Embrace Vulnerability
The novel culminates with Parker’s realization that independence and connection are not mutually exclusive. By reevaluating her rules, she opens herself up to new relationships and reconciles with her past. Trusting again is a risk, but Parker’s courage to be vulnerable paves the way for personal growth and a deeper sense of belonging. "Not If I See You First" is a heartfelt exploration of disability, identity, and the universal need for love and acceptance.
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