Lying Awake
Book Description
A gifted nun is torn between the divine visions that inspire her and the harsh reality of her fragile health. As Sister John of the Cross grapples with her extraordinary, mystical experiences, she risks everything for a fleeting glimpse of the sublime. But doubt creeps in—what if her visions are merely the product of her illness? Gripping and profound, “Lying Awake” explores the haunting intersections of faith, identity, and the human condition. As Sister John's world crumbles around her, one harrowing question remains: how far will she go to uncover the truth behind her calling?
Quick Book Summary
“Lying Awake” by Mark Salzman is a contemplative and intimate novel centered on Sister John of the Cross, a Carmelite nun whose profound mystical visions have become both her blessing and her torment. These powerful spiritual experiences bring her solace, artistic energy, and a sense of purpose, but they also coincide with debilitating headaches that disrupt her quiet life in the monastery. When Sister John learns that her visions may be symptoms of a brain illness, she is confronted with a moral and spiritual crisis: should she undergo medical treatment and risk losing her connection to God, or should she embrace her suffering as a manifestation of divine grace? With sensitivity and depth, the novel explores the delicate boundaries between faith, illness, identity, and the search for personal truth.
Summary of Key Ideas
Table of Contents
Faith and Doubt in Spiritual Experience
Sister John of the Cross, a member of a contemplative Carmelite convent near Los Angeles, has lived a life devoted to silence, prayer, and artistic creation. Renowned for her poetic writings about mystical union with God, Sister John treasures the visions and raptures that visit her in the solitude of the cloister. However, these transcendent experiences are inseparable from intense, blinding headaches. The line between divine inspiration and physical agony becomes blurred, and Sister John’s understanding of her own spiritual life is thrown into turmoil.
The Intersection of Illness and Mysticism
When a sudden medical emergency leads Sister John to seek medical attention, she is diagnosed with a treatable form of epilepsy—a condition that could explain her visionary episodes. Doctors propose surgery to remove the cause, which would likely eliminate her mystical experiences as collateral. Sister John faces a harrowing dilemma: preserve her extraordinary connection to the divine at the cost of her health, or undergo surgery and risk losing the very experiences that have defined her spiritual identity and artistic work.
Identity and the Search for Truth
Torn by uncertainty, Sister John embarks on a journey of introspection, prayer, and consultation with her spiritual advisors. She questions the authenticity of her faith—are her visions truly signs of God’s presence, or merely symptoms of neurological malfunction? The novel carefully explores this intersection of spiritual ecstasy and medical explanation, eschewing easy answers in favor of nuanced examination. Sister John’s struggle becomes emblematic of a broader search for meaning in the face of suffering and ambiguity.
Community, Solitude, and the Religious Life
Her choice is further complicated by the support and doubts of the monastic community. Other nuns and spiritual mentors offer perspectives rooted in doctrine, compassion, and lived experience, illuminating the tension between communal religious life and individual vocation. Sister John’s crisis thus ripples outward, challenging the assumptions and faith of those around her even as it isolates her in her most private contemplations.
Sacrifice and the Meaning of Suffering
Ultimately, “Lying Awake” is a profoundly human narrative about the costs of divine longing and the limits of certainty. Sister John’s final decision resonates with themes of sacrifice and acceptance, as she chooses to embrace the unknowability at the heart of faith, and to remain open to both suffering and grace. Salzman’s spare, lyrical prose and empathetic characterizations invite readers to reflect on their own beliefs, vulnerabilities, and the mysteries that lie beneath both illness and illumination.
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